Funeral Attendance: Respect or Regret?

In his soul-baring podcast episode of The Twisted Truth, Corey Wesley delivers a raw, heartfelt meditation on what it means to truly “show up.” The question at the center of it all—“Is funeral attendance love or guilt?”—is both haunting and timely, a provocation that challenges our cultural rituals around death, grief, and presence.

Over the course of the episode, Corey dissects the paradox of mourning: why do we wait until someone is gone to perform our affection? Why do distant relatives, who couldn’t be bothered to check in during someone’s hardest hours, suddenly buy plane tickets and show up dressed in black? As Corey puts it, “If you didn’t send me flowers while I was alive, don’t bring them to my funeral.”

This isn't just a rant—it’s a reckoning. A call to prioritize presence over performance, to reconsider what real respect looks like in a world that often confuses visibility for value. Corey speaks from deep personal experience: a devoted son to a mother in a nursing home, he confronts the loneliness of elders, the emptiness of unreturned calls, and the performative nature of “paying respects.” He questions the social currency of grief—black outfits, Facebook tributes, heartfelt posts from those who never made the effort while the person was breathing. “People fear emotional labor more than they fear loss,” he says. And doesn’t that feel chillingly true?

Throughout, Corey’s voice is both vulnerable and furious. He recalls neighbors and family members left unvisited, love withheld until it’s too late to matter. His frustration is more than justified—it’s an echo of the emotional labor many caretakers carry quietly. The episode becomes not only a conversation about death, but about how we love while people are still living.

What makes this episode particularly moving is the contrast Corey draws between real connection and ritualized performance. He shares the story of his 90-something-year-old neighbor whom he’s supported for nearly two decades—changing her light bulbs, making management calls on her behalf, ensuring she feels seen. He reminds us of his mother, whose life is enriched daily not by empty tributes, but by laughter, inside jokes, and simple presence.

There’s also a powerful question woven throughout: What would you want for yourself? Corey isn’t just speaking to the dead or the grieving—he’s talking to all of us who are still here, asking whether we’re investing in real relationships or simply preparing for the final act.

At its heart, this episode is about honoring people while they’re alive. It’s about creating memories that matter more than the performance of grief. And it’s a reminder that showing up—calling, visiting, being present—is a love language that matters far more than the flowers and fanfare we reserve for funerals.

So, what is the real cost of not showing up? According to Corey, it’s not just the missed goodbyes—it’s the absence of love when it could have meant everything. And that, truly, is a twisted truth we all need to hear.

Takeaways from This Episode:

• Don’t wait until it’s too late. Call, visit, check in—now.

• Funerals often serve more to ease guilt than to express love.

• Presence is not just physical—it’s emotional labor, and it’s necessary.

• Performative grief might look like respect, but it often isn't.

• Real connection doesn’t require perfection, just consistency.

So ask yourself: Who in your life needs a visit? A call? A moment of your time? Don’t wait for the obituary to pay attention.

And as Corey signs off: “Tell someone you love them… say something while they're alive, not when they're gone.” 💐